Daniel Smith (DSM-IV-TR 300.02: Generalized Anxiety Disorder) is an author, journalist, and editor.
“I read Monkey Mind with admiration for its bravery and clarity. Daniel Smith’s anxiety is matched by a wonderful sense of the comic, and it is this which makes Monkey Mind not only a dark, pain-filled book but a hilariously funny one, too. I broke out into explosive laughter again and again.”I recently went back into therapy, and I’ve decided to track my progress — and lack of progress — in a series of videos. Below is the first in that series.
Anxious disclaimer: this video is longer than it probably ought to be. Future installments will be shorter.
Love it! Did you ever watch Sesame Street as a kid? Back then there was a segment called Alice Greatway Goodyshoes (?) and she’d say “what if I did this…then this would happen, then this would happen…” I think it was meant to teach cause and effect. It just made me nervous as Hell. Anyway, thanks for talking about anxiety. I’m IN IT right now. It sucks but this too shall pass.
Jessi
Thank you for writing and talking about this. I have almost the exact same scenarios play through my mind in the middle of the night about work, social interactions, etc. It’s good to see someone talking about it with humor and insight. Can’t wait to read your book.
Dan – you are absolutely hilarious. I actually cracked up (into laughter, not craziness) at the ‘break her neck and die’ stage. You are ME. This is a very wise reminder for two anxious people like us NEVER to date – can you imagine the catastrophizing arms-race?!
PS. You need a bigger bookcase.
PPS. Are those pills on the bookcase too? They lend a nice atmosphere of crazy to the proceedings!
PPPS My anxiety warns me that maybe I have been too hasty with the ‘you need a bigger bookcase’ comment. Perhaps you will be offended, it tells me, and feel sad about your apartment, and think about how you don’t have money to buy another bookcase, and wish you had more space and begin to feel claustrophobic.
So I want to reassure you that not having enough space on a bookshelf is an assuredly VERY GOOD THING and means you have lots of books, which is obviously the sign of a brilliant person (unless they are Jodi Picoult and John Grisham, in which case – er, not so good)
Viv,
No apartment-furnishing offense taken! I’ve got other bookshelves downstairs. And even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t mind the comment at all. Now, if you had said “You need a smaller nose,” — well, even that wouldn’t have offended me. I don’t offend easily, unless it’s me doing the offending.
D
Dan, I’m laughing my ass off. I love you, brother. You are brilliant and brave for putting it out there in plain English. You’re already helping people and your book isn’t even out yet!
Nail on the head. The first minute describes my last hour perfectly–wondering why I’m so dumb as to fall off the meditation-exercise wagon when I know I need to be on it. I’m looking forward to the new mental response: BFD. Maybe it wil trip a wire in there…Can’t wait for the book!
The part about the stopping of the things that make you feel better. Instant youtube meme in the jewish/self-deprecating/neurotic/analytical bracket (that’s gotta be a thing around NYC right?). CBT work is like jogging because it sucks but ultimately makes you feel better. Once it’s over you feel better so you don’t have to do it again right? I feel that. I’ll never, learn either. Thanks for doing things and for your candor and your lack of shame (not that you should be ashamed..but ..you know..it’s nice that you’re not..) You’ve inspired by turning rumination/frustration and the sense of humor that (I believe) is born therein into a living! Thanks dude!
I really enjoyed your article in the Times magazine section. I am a NY Times-published free-floating chaotic as well, but I first addressed the issue by becoming clinically depressed in college (much to my parents’ chagrin because they were counting on me becoming a lawyer).
Anyway, I now write a humor blog called the anti-Jane for women who are anxiously considering do-it-yourself projects around the home. (link above)
Can’t wait to read your book!
I agree – the Times article was so beautifully and humorously written, and the video perfect. It’s been said before, but I also can’t wait for the book! Thank you for treating this topic without veering too far into narcissism, inward-focused though the ideas may be. The tone reminds us stiflers not to take ourselves too seriously. BFD indeed.
I blogged about your article and forthcoming book. You are hysterical. By the way, I noticed the Pepto on your bookshelf.
Hah, I noticed the Pepto too. Can’t help but wonder if it’s a stage prop. ;)
Not a prop! A legitimate bottle of Pepto, from which I take liberal swigs.
I think we are related distantly or maybe not so.. I have had those thoughts my whole life and when I saw the video I just realized how really crazy it sounds…thinking that I am going to trip and fall with a knife and hurt someone or fearing I will drop my grandson and hurt him and by the way I have also had a therapist/meditation, social workers, hypnosis and I read an article that playing tetris will help me process bad memories..no really and emdr which works for a minute or until i forget. Thanks for the laughs..its no big fucking deal..LMAO
“I get to do what I love best, and beat the shit out of myself”
Re-channeling this in a productive way, and to possibly end up laughing instead of physically paralyzed on the floor somewhere trying to shut my internal self up while my kids wonder “what the hell…?” Sounds fantastic!
Can’t wait to read more of this blog and view the other video – but, I have to get out of the apartment now to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge and make it to the Quad for a movie to deal with my anxiety.
Wow. You have no idea how this resonates with me. I’ve already downloaded your book and can’t wait to read it. Nobody understands why I hate parties, but I find them EXHAUSTING and always assume everyone I spoke with hates me and thinks I am a freak of nature for days after. Looking forward to further installments. I try to live a very honest life about the crazy in my head, I know everyone has their own version, but it feels great to hear that others have a very similar crazy.